Valentines day. It’s always a sad day of sorts for cyclists – not only is there the anniversary of the death of Marco Pantani, but its generally a time where you remember that your love and devotion for your most precious should probably be directed at a member of the opposite sex, rather than at a bicycle. Still, bicycles will remain the love of our lives. Just remember that Valentines day is made for card companies and those weirdoes who actually have the time to commit to a relationship (hah, suckers…) But if you’re single and need to get through Valentines day, here’s a few not at all objectifying images of men and women (because of course sexism is awful) from the world of cycling you might consider attempting to go to dinner with you. It’s it no way an excuse to use some pictures of women cyclists I fancy. Not at all.
Now, Mr Cipollini is married with children, but that doesn’t stop him building his play boy image where he outruns motorbikes, cavorts with beautiful ladies and owns a helicopter, a Porsche and a speeddboat in case any Germans try to steal his bike secrets. The mane of the ‘Lion King’ might be waning, but he’s still looking as Italian and handsome as ever, isn’t he ladies?
Cipo’s not afraid of being a little extravagant either, and will happily engage in orgies before big races, (Ghent-Whevelghem) so you needn’t worry about that part of your life with him.
Only God can judge Pippo, but he’s happy to get his shirt off for you so you can bask in his grand designs…
…although, er, occasionally he goes overboard.
Perhaps then you’d rather choose the Belgian adonis that is Tom Boonen? He certainly knows how to party, spawning many jokes about white lines, and can drive you around in his Lamborghini (occasionally avoiding cats) and to his old place in Monaco for a bit of a rave.
Tom may have daubed himself in tattoos lately, but his sense of fun still remains. When he’s not dating somewhat young ladies, he’ usually messing around in appalling commercials for Nivea or appearing on burgers.
Speaking of food, I have no idea what’s going on here. But the ladies might like it.
But all those guys are getting on abit aren’t they? They’re all over 30! Tsk tsk. Maybe some youth is required for the babes. Perhaps Peter Sagan?
You’ll have to get in quick though. Sagan wins so often he gets to know the podium girls very quickly, and as you can see, they are desperate to have his babies.
Unfortunately he already has a girlfriend though, so bad luck ladies.
But don’t fear men, there’s something for you here as well.
Victoria Pendleton is at the end of her career, and given she’s engaged, unfortunately no longer avaliable guys. Still, she managed to win plenty of World and Olympic titles whilst managing to simultaneously find time to end up doing lots of suspect photoshoots with FHM, so she’s managed a pretty varied career to say the least.
However she did go on ‘Strictly’, otherwise known as the BBC’s soft porn show dressed up as a dancing competition, which was basically an excuse to ogle her athletes body in next to nothing. Still, at least she has other assets to show off in her Olympic titles, unlike many other sportswomen who just end up doing the former.
Luckily for women’s sport, the new breed of British women’s cyclists are pushing for their achievements to be recognised as they are, not just because they’re pretty faces. Lizzie Armitstead is very vocal about this, and as an Olympic Medalist, World Champion, and most importantly Beaumont Trophy winner, you can bet she won’t be stripping off for FHM or Nuts any time soon. Worse news for men desperate for a look in is that she’s also going out with Adam Blythe, the BMC sprinter. Bad luck.
Laura Trott is also one of the new pack of young British women performing excellently, and probably managed to command more picture inches in the Olympic papers then just about any other athlete save Jessica Ennis, whom editors were always pretty keen to get in thanks to the fact her event required her to barely wear anything (novelly, even an article about her coach is accompanied by a full body photo). Luckily, whilst the riders themselves won’t be keen to admit it, it’s good that cycling has attractive young riders to attract publicity, although obviously, like the men, it;s the success (two Olympic Golds at 20!) that they should rightly be judged on.
Unfortunately though, Trott is going out with Jason Kenny, so it appears that you also need to have won an Olympic Gold to be in with a chance. Sorry chaps.